115+ Funny Cow Jokes You’ll Find A-moo-sing

Cattle are large herbivores. Cows refer to females, while bulls refer to males. Whether raising or eating them, read funny cow jokes for a laugh.

Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Cattle are social animals that love spending time with each other.

Domestication of them dates back to the 9th millennium in Southeast Asia. Cattle provide meat, dairy, and work.

While cow refers to female cattle, most use it to describe the species regardless of gender.

If you’re ready to laugh, read the following cow jokes.

Related: What did the buffalo say to his son?

Hilarious cow jokes

1. Where do cows go on dates?

The moo-vies.

2. What do you say if a cow is in your way?


3. What do you call a cow during an earthquake?

A milkshake.

4. Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

5. What did the cow say to its calf?

It’s pasture bedtime.

Cow's face.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

6. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

It’s because they lactose.

7. Why didn’t the cows talk to each other?

They had beef.

8. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?

Moo Year’s Eve.

9. How does an evil cow laugh?


10. What do cows listen to every day?


11. What happens when you talk to a cow?

It goes in one ear and out the udder.

12. Why don’t cows have money?

Farmers milk them dry.

13. What sound does a cow make when it’s out of milk?

There’s no sound, only udder silence.

14. What does a cow say when the farmer milks her before she’s ready?

How dairy!

15. What do you call a cow that goes down in history?


16. What do cows get in the mail?


17. What do cows use to manage their schedule?

A cow-lendar.

18. What do cows like to do when traveling to a new city?

Visit the moo-seum.

19. What do you call a cow that can’t make a sound?


20. What do you call a cow whose emotions are all over the place?


21. What does a cow say when you make promises that you can’t keep?

I’ve herd it before.

22. Why don’t cows live with regret?

They seize the moo-ment.

23. What do you call cattle in heaven?

Holy cow.

24. What do cows use when doing math homework?

A cow-culator.

25. What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk?

A milk dud.

26. What do you call it when cows spy on others?

A steak-out.

27. What do farmers talk about while milking a cow?

Udder nonsense.

28. What did the cow paint on the wall?

A moo-ral.

Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

29. What do cows read in the morning?

The moo-spaper.

30. Where do cows eat lunch?

The calf-eteria.

31. Where do cows get medicine?

The farm-acy.

32. Where do cows take their families on the weekend?

The a-moo-sement park.

33. Who’s a cow’s favorite Disney princess?


34. Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moo-ves.

35. Why was the cow sad?

Someone herd her feelings.

36. Why do cows wear bells?

Their horns don’t work.

37. Why did the cow go to the gym?

To build moo-scles.

38. Where did the cow lose its money?

The cow-sino.

39. What do you call it when a cow copies another?


40. What do you call a rude cow?

Beef jerky.

41. What do you call noble cattle?

Sir Loin.

42. What do you call a cow that becomes a Japanese warrior?

A sa-moo-rai.

43. What do you call a boring cow?


44. What kind of car does a cow drive?

A Cattle-lac.

45. What do cows call difficulties?


46. What do you call a scared cow?

A cow-ard.

47. How do you find a lost cow?

Tractor down.

48. What do you call a cow that plays an instrument?

A moo-sician.

Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

49. What do cows feed a bratty calf?

Spoiled milk.

50. Where do you find a cow without legs?

Right where you left it.

51. What do you call a cow that performs magic tricks?


52. Why do cows say “moo”?

To co-moo-nicate.

53. What do you call a sleeping cow?

A bull-dozer.

54. What did the cow say to its therapist?

I feel seen but not herd.

55. What do cows learn in math class?


56. What does a cow say when she thinks you’re lying?

I don’t bull-ieve you.

57. Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold?

To keep each udder warm.

58. Why did the cow get a job?

To make moo-ney.

59. What do you get when you cross a cow with a rooster?

Roost beef.

60. How did the cow blend in with its surroundings?

It was ca-moo-flage.

61. How do you address the queen of cows?

Your moo-jesty.

62. Who do cows call for help transporting to a different farm?


63. What did the cow say before placing a risky bet?

The steaks have never been higher.

64. What do you call a cow that’s eating grass?

A lawn moo-er.

65. What does a cow say when it hears a noise?

Hooves there?

66. What do you call a cow on a diet?

Lean beef.

67. Where do Russian cows live?


68. What did the cow feel when it went to the new farm?

It was having déjà moo.

69. What does a lazy cow need?


70. Why do cows tell each other jokes?

To keep each other a-moo-sed.

71. What do you call a cow celebrity?


72. What do you call a funny cow?

A cow-median.

73. What do you call a cow that creates budgets?

An ac-cow-tant.

74. Why did the cow want to become an astronaut?

To go to udder space.

75. What did the cows do after a break-in at the farm?

They beefed up security.

76. What do you call a cow that wins the lottery?

A cash cow.

77. What kind of cow makes Swiss cheese?

A holey one.

78. Is the cow ready yet?


79. How did the cow feel at the wedding?


80. Why was the cow hyper?

It had too much calf-eine.

81. How do cows prefer to travel?

By heli-cow-pter.

82. Why did the cow travel west?

To get to Cow-lifornia.

83. What’s a cow’s favorite type of cookie?


84. What does a cow that’s good at its job get?

A pro-moo-tion.

85. What do you call a giant cow?


Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

86. Where do cows ride on a train?

The cow-boose.

87. Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?

To get chocolate milk.

88. Where do cows watch videos online?


89. Where do cows like to sit?

On the cow-ch.

90. What’s a cow’s favorite vegetable?


91. What does a cow say to apologize?

Sorry, I made a mi-steak.

92. What does a cow use while texting?


93. What’s a cow’s favorite day of the week?


94. Why are male cattle so mean?

They’re bull-ies.

95. What do you call a cow without legs?

Ground beef.

96. What does a cow get to relax?


97. Why did the cow go to Broadway?

To watch moo-sicals.

98. What do you call a cow you can trust?


99. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

To get to the Milky Way.

100. What did one dairy cow ask the other?

Got milk?

101. How did the cow feel after being struck by lightning?

Udder-ly shocked.

102. Which sickness did the cow have?

Hay fever.

103. Where do cows store important documents?

In a beef-case.

104. What do you get from a miniature cow?

Condensed milk.

Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

105. What do you call it when cows are running everywhere?

Udder chaos.

106. How do cows get to the other side of a lake?

They use a cow-noe.

107. How did the cow do in the race?

It came in t-herd.

108. What do you call it when the farm loses electricity?

A bla-cow-t.

109. What did the farmer say to the distracted cow?


110. What do you call a cow that doesn’t eat big meals?

A grazer.

111. What kind of coffee do cows drink?


112. What do you call it when you don’t have space for more cows?

Moo-ximum cow-pacity.

113. What did the cow say to the cowboy?


114. How do you take a cow’s temperature?

Use a ther-moo-meter.

Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

115. Where does a cow stay while on vacation?

The moo-tel.

116. When’s milk the freshest?

When it’s still in the cow.

117. What did the cow say after hearing a lie?

That’s bull.

118. What does a calf watch on TV?


Related: Hilarious Name Puns and Prank Names That Are Clean

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.

David Em.

David Em

David Em is the founder of Humor Living. He launched Humor Living to create a destination for you to visit anytime you need a laugh. Whether you’re looking for jokes, puns, memes, or funny stories, Humor Living is the place to be.