85+ Funny Winter Quotes About the Cold

Winter is the coldest season of the year. Embrace the cold with humor. Read funny winter quotes that’ll have you laughing all the way home.

Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Winter is a fantastic and dreamy time of the year. Snowfall, colder weather, and fun activities bring benefits and drawbacks.

Snow is an essential part of the winter because it provides 75% of the water supply in the United States.

It also leads to many activities like skiing, snowman-building, and sledding.

Whether you need a social media caption or want a good laugh, read the following funny winter quotes.

Related: The Best Vacation Jokes

Funny winter quotes to make you laugh

1. “In winter, I plot and plan. In spring, I move.” -Henry Rollins

2. “Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” -Sinclair Lewis

3. “And some places you been before are so great that you don’t ever mind going back. Some places you been before you don’t ever want to go back, you know, like Montreal in the Winter.” -Morgan Freeman

4. “Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.'” -Robert Byrne

Funny winter quote by Robert Byrne.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

5. “Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.” -Geraldo Rivera

6. “It was so cold I almost got married.” -Shelley Winters

7. “As winter approaches – bringing cold weather and family drama – we crave page-turners, books made for long nights and tryptophan-induced sloth.” -Sarah MacLean

8. “Nothing burns like the cold.” -George R. R. Martin

9. “Even in winter an isolated patch of snow has a special quality.” -Andy Goldsworthy

10. “The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.” -Dave Barry

11. “In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” -Albert Camus

12. “One can follow the sun, of course, but I have always thought that it is best to know some winter, too, so that the summer, when it arrives, is the more gratefully received.” -Beatriz Williams

13. “Winter collapsed on us that year. It knelt, exhausted, and stayed.” -Emily Fridlund

14. “It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.” -Mickey Rivers

15. “No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.” -Kenneth Grahame

16. “‘Welcome to winter,’ one said. ‘When fifty percent of drivers should have their licenses temporarily suspended.'” -Kelley Armstrong

17. “A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” -Carl Reiner

Funny winter quote by Carl Reiner.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

18. “The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” -Gary D. Schmidt

19. “It is impossible, to me at least, to be poetical in cold weather.” -George Eliot

20. “There’s just something beautiful about walking on snow that nobody else has walked on.” -Carol Rifka Brunt

21. “I grew up in Chicago, and there was always snow. In Los Angeles there never was, so we would always import snow!” -David Hasselhoff

22. “The snow doesn’t give a soft white damn whom it touches.” -E. E. Cummings

23. “It was, you know, probably 80 degrees out in L.A., and my dad took me outside and there was snow. At the time, I thought, ‘Every kid doesn’t have snow in their backyard on Christmas?'” -Tori Spelling

24. “There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.” -Billy Connolly

25. “Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.” -Yoko Ono

26. “One of the very best reasons for having children is to be reminded of the incomparable joys of a snow day.” -Susan Orlean

27. “I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else – I don’t want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow.” -Douglas Coupland

28. “Noses are red. Fingers are blue. I’m tired of winter. How about you?” -Unknown

29. “How the tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, in the icy air of night!” -Edgar Allan Poe

30. “Nothing is as easy to make as a promise this winter to do something next summer; this is how commencement speakers are caught.” -Sydney J. Harris

31. “Winter, I wrote, was akin to living inside a refrigerator.” -Okey Ndibe

32. “I’m not going outside until the temperature is above my age.” -Unknown

33. “Advice is like the snow. The softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon and the deeper it sinks into the mind.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

34. “I love you because no two snowflakes are alike, and it is possible, if you stand tippy-toe, to walk between the raindrops.” -Nikki Giovanni

35. “Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do – or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so.” -Stanley Crawford

36. “The world was furred with late spring snow. It was the soft, thick stuff that excites you unless you are driving or half dead, packing snow already falling in caterpillars off the greening branches.” -Marian Engel

37. “For every snowflake that falls, an idiot forgets how to drive.” -Unknown

38. “How many lessons of faith and beauty we should lose, if there were no winter in our year!” -Thomas Wentworth Higginson

39. “You can’t get too much winter in the winter.” -Robert Frost

40. “I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.” -Will Rogers

Funny winter quote by Will Rogers.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

41. “So cold up north that the birds can’t hardly fly. I’m going back south and let this winter pass on by.” -Muddy Waters

42. “It’s so hard to think in winter. The world seems confined in the space of your heart; you can’t see beyond yourself.” -Patricia A. McKillip

43. “The first snow is like the first love.” -Lara Biyuts

44. “To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake it is necessary to stand out in the cold.” -Aristotle

45. “Snowfall rouses your inner child to dream and play once more.” -Angie Weiland-Crosby

46. “Scarves, mittens, and hats are a great way to express your personality in the cold weather.” -Brad Goreski

47. “My old grandmother always used to say, Summer friends will melt away like summer snows, but winter friends are friends forever.” -George R.R. Martin

48. “Every mile is two in the winter.” -George Herbert

49. “People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy.” -Anton Chekhov

50. “Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.” -Bill Watterson

51. “In the winter she curls up around a good book and dreams away the cold.” -Ben Aaronovitch

52. “I cannot feel my legs from the waist down any longer. But who cares? I look good and that’s all that matters. And when I die of hypothermia for wearing formal shorts in winter, tell them to put that on my tombstone.” -Eliza Coupe

53. “I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.” -Bill Watterson

54. “And finally Winter, with its bitin’, whinin’ wind, and all the land will be mantled with snow.” -Roy Bean

55. “Winter is a season of recovery and preparation.” -Paul Theroux

56. “I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape. Something waits beneath it; the whole story doesn’t show.” -Andrew Wyeth

57. “While I relish our warm months, winter forms our character and brings out our best.” -Tom Allen

58. “I believe in process. I believe in four seasons. I believe that winter’s tough, but spring’s coming. I believe that there’s a growing season. And I think that you realize that in life, you grow. You get better.” -Steve Southerland

59. “No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.” -Hal Borland

60. “To ski or not to ski, that is not a question.” -Unknown

61. “The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.” -Richard Brautigan

62. “A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.” -Markus Zusak

Funny winter quote by Markus Zusak.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

63. “It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.” -Dylan Thomas

64. “Mother nature needs a hot flash.” -Unknown

65. “On the bright side, you can’t see dog poop anymore.” -Unknown

66. “Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway.” -Elsa

67. “I love snow for the same reason I love Christmas. It brings people together whilst time stands still.” -Rachel Cohn

68. “Imagine if fire extinguishers were full of snow. Imagine the fun we could have.” -Neil Hilborn

69. “We panic if there’s two centimeters of snow in London.” -Sam Riley

70. “My favorite winter activity is going back inside and putting my pajamas on.” -Unknown

71. “Snowing is an attempt of God to make the dirty world look clean.” -Mehmet Murat Ildan

72. “I pray this winter be gentle and kind – a season of rest from the wheel of the mind.” -John Geddes

73. “They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?” -Terry Pratchett

74. “Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart.” -Victor Hugo

75. “Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.” -Deborah Kerr

Funny winter quote by Deborah Kerr.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

76. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.” -Bill Bowerman

77. “Snow is like a manic pixie dream girl: fun and whimsical when you encounter it only through the barrier of a movie screen – but absolute misery to have to put up with in real life.” -Alexandra Petri

78. “Minneapolis has two seasons: Road Removal and Snow Repair.” -Steven Brust

79. “A snow day literally and figuratively falls from the sky, unbidden, and seems like a thing of wonder.” -Susan Orlean

80. “Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.” -John Ruskin

81. “When I was young, I loved summer and hated winter. When I got older I loved winter and hated summer. Now that I’m even older, and wiser, I hate both summer and winter.” -Jarod Kintz

82. “Summer bodies are made in the winter.” -Krissy Turner

83. “Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.” -Alexandra Guarnaschelli

84. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” -Ranulph Fiennes

85. “A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter.” -Patricia Briggs

86. “At this season of the year, darkness is a more insistent thing than cold. The days are short as any dream.” -E.B. White

87. “We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.” -Zhuangzi

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Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.

David Em.

David Em

David Em is the founder of Humor Living. He launched Humor Living to create a destination for you to visit anytime you need a laugh. Whether you’re looking for jokes, puns, memes, or funny stories, Humor Living is the place to be.