55+ Funny Graduation Quotes to Make You Laugh

Graduating is a significant accomplishment. It’s a time to celebrate the journey. Get a good laugh with relatable and funny graduation quotes.

Diploma and graduation cap.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Graduation is a ceremony to celebrate the education journey. It’s a symbol of change and progress.

Whether it’s high school or college, you’re starting a new chapter.

It’s also a time when you may find your life’s meaning and purpose.

So, celebrate the time with funny graduation quotes. You’ll get a good laugh out of them.

Hilarious graduation quotes

1. “This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!” -Henny Youngman

2. “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” –Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, 2004

3. “Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.” -Robert Anthony

4. “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” -Frank Clark

5. “To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.” -A. A. Milne

6. “You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.” -Andy Samberg

7. “Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” -John Green

Funny graduation quote by John Green.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

8. “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” -Theodore Roosevelt

9. “At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” -Greg Tamblyn

10. “The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.” -Jon Stewart

11. “Goodbye everyone. I’ll remember you in therapy.” -Unknown

12. “You aren’t doing it wrong if no one knows what you’re doing.” -Unknown

13. “Life is tough, but it’s a whole lot tougher if you’re stupid.” -John Wayne

14. “My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives. The stories you are about to live are the ones you will be telling your children, and grandchildren, and therapists.” -Lin-Manuel Miranda

15. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” -Muhammad Ali

16. “Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.” -Napoleon Hill

17. “If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” -William Lyon Phelps

18. “Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.” -Erma Bombeck

19. “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” -Robert Orben

20. “Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” -Melanie White

21. “To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” -George W. Bush

22. “I’ve already forgotten everything.” -Unknown

23. “I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” -Fred Allen

Funny graduation quote by Fred Allen.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

24. “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” -Mark Twain

25. “If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.” -Robert F. Goheen

26. “I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, cause the customer is always right.” -Mitch Hedberg

27. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” -Elbert Hubbard

28. “Dance like nobody’s watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.” -Unknown

29. “Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.” -Gary Bolding

30. “When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.” -Unknown

31. “The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.” -Russell Baker

32. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” -Will Rogers

33. “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” -Oscar Wilde

34. “Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.” -Unknown

35. “It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.” -Jerry Zucker

36. “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” -Erma Bombeck

37. “Graduation: A ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.” -Unknown

38. “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.” -Will Ferrell

39. “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” -Gary Trudeau

40. “Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.” -Al Bernstein

41. “I did get a degree in special education.” -Clay Aiken

42. “For many, graduation marks the end of formal student life – the end of long spring breaks and of thinking that a 10 A.M. class is far too early.” -Alexa Von Tobel

43. “Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.” -Albert Einstein

44. “Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.” -Unknown

45. “You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?” -Unknown

46. “I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.” -Art Buchwald

47. “Remember, half the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their class.” -Al McGuire

Funny graduation quote by Al McGuire.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

48. “Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.” -Unknown

49. “One of the most important things, especially when you’re leaving school, is to realize you’re going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you’re in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don’t do it.” -Lewis Black

50. “And to get real work experience, you need a job, and most jobs will require you to have had either real work experience or a graduate degree.” -Donald Norman

51. “I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.” -George Foreman

52. “Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.” -Will Durant

53. “I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.” -Unknown

54. “When I was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. We didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. That’s how bad it was.” -Dick Costolo

55. “Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” -Mark Cooper

56. “Well, I’m not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.” -Ron Swanson

57. “The road to success is always under construction.” -Lily Tomlin

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Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.