40+ Funny Dad Quotes for Father’s Day

Dads are a significant part of life and development. Read funny dad quotes that are perfect for sharing on Father’s Day or his birthday.

A dad with his arms around his two kids.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Life wouldn’t be the same without your dad. He may be your chauffeur, chef, teacher, and mentor.

A father’s role is significant. He affects your development and offers support.

He can be one of the funniest people that also make you cringe.

Read the following funny dad quotes for a good laugh.

They’re perfect for sharing on Father’s Day, his birthday, or any day you want to celebrate him.

Funny dad quotes

1. “When I was 18, I thought my father was pretty dumb. After a while when I got to be 21, I was amazed to find out how much he’d learned in three years.” -Frank Butler

2. “When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly. He cut the legs off the bed.” -Lou Brock

Funny dad quote by Lou Brock.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

3. “I love my dad, although I’m definitely critical of him sometimes, like when his pants are too tight. But I love him so much and I try to be really supportive of him.” -Liv Tyler

4. “My dad taught me true words you have to use in every relationship. Yes, baby.” -Star Jones

5. “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass’; ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.'” -Harmon Killebrew

6. “What I do now is all my dad’s fault, because he bought me a guitar as a boy, for no apparent reason.” -Rod Stewart

7. “My dad is one of my favorite human beings in the world. He’s just a good person, and he could entertain a brick wall.” -Thomas Rhett

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8. “My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father’s Day. Maybe for Christmas, I’ll draw him a picture of some toys.” -Jim Gaffigan

9. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” -Charles Wadsworth

10. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” -Steve Martin

11. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” -Jerry Seinfeld

12. “I hope this Father’s Day is as fun as your life was before kids.” -Unknown

13. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” -Ray Romano

14. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” -Bob Odenkirk

15. “Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really.” -Dave Barry

16. “I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ I hadn’t met my daughter yet.” -Dax Shepard

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17. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic IKEA cabinets.” -Greg Kinnear

18. “The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” -Tim Russert

19. “On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting Daddy’s freedom.” -Ryan Reynolds

Funny dad quote by Ryan Reynolds.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

20. “We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.'” -Erma Bombeck

21. “When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'” -Jerry Lewis

22. “Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” -Martin Mull

23. “There are three stages of a man’s life: he believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.” -Unknown

24. “Raising kids is the only job where you work 24 hours a day and it actually costs you money.” -Unknown

25. “It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, ‘he’s got four teeth,’ like they care.” -Seth Meyers

26. “Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.” -Al Unser

27. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and brought a present for my mother.” -Rita Rudner

28. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” -Jon Stewart

29. “Nobody appreciates Daddy. I’m talking about the real daddy that handles the business. Nobody ever says, ‘Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out this rent!’ ‘Hey, Daddy, I sure love this hot water!’ ‘Hey, Daddy, it’s easy to read with all this light!'” -Chris Rock

30. “Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24 to 36 hours.” -Conan O’Brien

31. “Four-year-old: ‘Tell me a scary story!’ Me: ‘One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.’ Four -year-old: ‘Why?'” -James Breakwell

32. “Being a dad at bedtime is like being a designated driver trying to get your friends to leave the bar.” -Unknown

33. “No one wants to see Dad dance, but he does it anyway.” -Unknown

34. “I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.” -Andy Richter

35. “My dad always tries to get me to fix his computer when I’m home. He’s like, ‘You’re really good at computers, you should be a computer programmer.’ I’m like, ‘You’re so bad at computers, you should be a caveman.'” -Mike Birbiglia

36. “Being a dad is when you realize you can actually like people who puke in your car multiple times.” -Unknown

37. “Having one child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” -David Frost

38. “How come my 3-year-old son can remember every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my own phone number?” -Taye Diggs

Funny dad quote by Taye Diggs.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

39. “Dad, I can never repay you. Literally.” -Unknown

40. “Fatherhood is all about pretending neck ties are the best gifts you ever received.” -Unknown

41. “Here’s to one of my favorite parents!” -Unknown

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Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.