90 Celebrity Quotes That Are Ridiculously Funny

Whether on accident or on purpose, famous people say ridiculous things. Read hilarious celebrity quotes that’ll make you laugh so hard.

Celebrity on the red carpet being interviewed.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Actors, musicians, models, athletes, and political figures are always in the spotlight.

Celebrities are influential and play a significant role in trends and beliefs.

Living a public life comes with drawbacks. An example is the ridiculous things a famous person says.

If you’re ready to laugh, read the following celebrity quotes.

They’re so funny that some celebrities may wish they never said it. Others have the best sense of humor.

Related: The Funniest Letterkenny Quotes

Hilarious celebrity quotes

1. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” -Jason Kidd

2. “How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real?” -Jaden Smith

3. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner

4. “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” -Muhammad Ali

5. “I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!” -George Best

6. “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” -Brooke Shields

Funny celebrity quote by Brooke Shields.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

7. “The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger

8. “I’m so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap kids.” -Molly McNearney

9. “I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.” -Chris Rock

10. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” -Betty White

11. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb and I also know that I’m not blonde.” -Dolly Parton

12. “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.” -Michelle Obama

13. “Run for office? No. I’ve slept with too many women, I’ve done too many drugs, and I’ve been to too many parties.” -George Clooney

14. “There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend.” -Jack Nicholson

15. “Holding your pee is no way to live life.” -Kendall Jenner

16. “I have a rule: If the temperature is less than my age, I don’t get out of bed.” -Ellen DeGeneres

17. “I love me some me.” -Terrell Owens

18. “I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.” -Robin Williams

19. “Fade into Bolivian, I guess.” -Mike Tyson

20. “Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep a night; nine if you’re ugly.” -Betty White

21. “You don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.” -Justin Bieber

Funny celebrity quote by Justin Bieber.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

22. “Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.” -Zsa Zsa Gabor

23. “Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.” -Cher

24. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” -Jim Carrey

25. “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” -Britney Spears

26. “I’m not a god – I do bad things.” -Jackie Chan

27. “Now that I’m a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot.” -Adam Sandler

28. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” -Reba McEntire

29. “Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” -Bill Clinton

30. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” -Reese Witherspoon

31. “I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent.” -Anna Kendrick

32. “I am not overweight. I fluctuate between chubby and curvy.” -Mindy Kaling

33. “Is meatball an fruit?” -Post Malone

34. “All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.” -Frank Zappa

35. “The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.” -Stephen Hawking

36. “The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” -Tom Clancy

37. “I’m thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, ‘Why stop at one?’ I don’t like being limited in that way. Therefore, I’m considering a platoon of monkeys. So that people will look at me and see how mellow and well-adjusted I am compared to these monkeys throwing feces around.” -Robert Downey Jr.

38. “Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.” -Ryan Reynolds

39. “I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.” -Angelina Jolie

40. “As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!” -Coco Chanel

41. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” -Jerry Seinfeld

42. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” -Christina Aguilera

43. “My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?” -Charles Schulz

44. “I take, like, 500 selfies to get one I like.” -Kylie Jenner

45. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” -Cary Grant

46. “I don’t know what’s better gettin’ laid or gettin’ paid.” -Kanye West

47. “I’m not sure I’m adult yet.” -Johnny Depp

48. “Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.” -Alex Rodriguez

49. “I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, right now.” -Tim Sylvia

50. “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.” -Pedro Guerrero

51. “Congratulations, you played yourself.” -DJ Khaled

52. “I can go right, I can go left, I’m amphibious.” -Charles Shackleford

53. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.” -Greg Norman

54. “All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.” -Louis Armstrong

Funny celebrity quote by Louis Armstrong.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

55. “They will try to close the door on you, just open it.” -DJ Khaled

56. “Do ants poop?” -Cardi B

57. “I’m watching the History channel in the club and I’m wondering how do these people kno what’s goin on on the sun..ain’t nobody ever been.” -Kevin Durant

58. “Why is Rhode Island nor a road or an island?” -Justin Bieber

59. “Oh God. I just realized I’m stuck with me my whole life.” -Anna Kendrick

Funny celebrity quote by Anna Kendrick.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

60. “You’re acting like drunk slob-kabobs.” -Kourtney Kardashian

61. “Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured.” -Elon Musk

62. “I don’t need to Google myself.” -Nicki Minaj

63. “You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.” -Jim Carrey

64. “I gravitate towards gravitas.” -Morgan Freeman

65. “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like pimps.” -Tiger Woods

66. “Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I’m going through.” -R. Kelly.

67. “The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable.” -Quentin Crisp

68. “I like women, I don’t understand them, but I like them.” -Sean Connery

69. “In every circle of friends there’s always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don’t have one? Then it’s probably you.” -Will Ferrell

70. “I had to overcome a lot of diversity.” -Drew Gooden

71. “If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society.” -Jaden Smith

72. “It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.” -Dan Quayle

73. “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” -Joe Theismann

74. “And now the sequence of events, in no particular order.” -Dan Rather

75. “I’ve got taste. It’s inbred in me.” -David Hasselhoff

76. “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” -Chuck Nevitt

77. “I actually don’t like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don’t. I do not like to think at all.” -Kanye West

78. “I’ve been noticing gravity since I was very young.” -Cameron Diaz

79. “Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.” -Madonna

80. “When I’m no longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.” -Snoop Dogg

81. “When I see a kid throwing a massive tantrum in a grocery store, Part of me is like ‘Man I feel you.'” -Taylor Swift

82. “When you become senile, you won’t know it.” -Bill Cosby

83. “I love kids. I was a kid myself, once.” -Tom Cruise

84. “I’m a light eater. As soon as it’s light, I start to eating.” -Art Donovan

Funny celebrity quote by Art Donovan.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

85. “I don’t have any cell service here and it’s making me have a rash.” -Kris Jenner

86. “You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.” -Jack Black

87. “I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” -Terry Bradshaw

88. “I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too.” -Mike Tyson

89. “I’m kind of shocked I’m getting a fashion award when I’m naked most of the time.” -Kim Kardashian

90. “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.” -Shaquille O’Neal

Related: The Funniest Bagel Puns

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.