Whether on accident or on purpose, famous people say ridiculous things. Read hilarious celebrity quotes that’ll make you laugh so hard.
Actors, musicians, models, athletes, and political figures are always in the spotlight.
Celebrities are influential and play a significant role in trends and beliefs.
Living a public life comes with drawbacks. An example is the ridiculous things a famous person says.
If you’re ready to laugh, read the following celebrity quotes.
They’re so funny that some celebrities may wish they never said it. Others have the best sense of humor.
Related: The Funniest Letterkenny Quotes
Hilarious celebrity quotes
1. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” -Jason Kidd
2. “How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real?” -Jaden Smith
3. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner
4. “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” -Muhammad Ali
5. “I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!” -George Best
6. “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” -Brooke Shields
7. “The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger
8. “I’m so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap kids.” -Molly McNearney
9. “I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.” -Chris Rock
10. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” -Betty White
11. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb and I also know that I’m not blonde.” -Dolly Parton
12. “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.” -Michelle Obama
13. “Run for office? No. I’ve slept with too many women, I’ve done too many drugs, and I’ve been to too many parties.” -George Clooney
14. “There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend.” -Jack Nicholson
15. “Holding your pee is no way to live life.” -Kendall Jenner
16. “I have a rule: If the temperature is less than my age, I don’t get out of bed.” -Ellen DeGeneres
17. “I love me some me.” -Terrell Owens
18. “I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.” -Robin Williams
19. “Fade into Bolivian, I guess.” -Mike Tyson
20. “Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep a night; nine if you’re ugly.” -Betty White
21. “You don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.” -Justin Bieber
22. “Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.” -Zsa Zsa Gabor
23. “Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.” -Cher
24. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” -Jim Carrey
25. “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” -Britney Spears
26. “I’m not a god – I do bad things.” -Jackie Chan
27. “Now that I’m a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot.” -Adam Sandler
28. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” -Reba McEntire
29. “Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” -Bill Clinton
30. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” -Reese Witherspoon
31. “I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent.” -Anna Kendrick
32. “I am not overweight. I fluctuate between chubby and curvy.” -Mindy Kaling
33. “Is meatball an fruit?” -Post Malone
34. “All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.” -Frank Zappa
35. “The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.” -Stephen Hawking
36. “The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” -Tom Clancy
37. “I’m thinking of buying a monkey. Then I think, ‘Why stop at one?’ I don’t like being limited in that way. Therefore, I’m considering a platoon of monkeys. So that people will look at me and see how mellow and well-adjusted I am compared to these monkeys throwing feces around.” -Robert Downey Jr.
38. “Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.” -Ryan Reynolds
39. “I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.” -Angelina Jolie
40. “As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!” -Coco Chanel
41. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” -Jerry Seinfeld
42. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” -Christina Aguilera
43. “My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?” -Charles Schulz
44. “I take, like, 500 selfies to get one I like.” -Kylie Jenner
45. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” -Cary Grant
46. “I don’t know what’s better gettin’ laid or gettin’ paid.” -Kanye West
47. “I’m not sure I’m adult yet.” -Johnny Depp
48. “Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.” -Alex Rodriguez
49. “I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, right now.” -Tim Sylvia
50. “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.” -Pedro Guerrero
51. “Congratulations, you played yourself.” -DJ Khaled
52. “I can go right, I can go left, I’m amphibious.” -Charles Shackleford
53. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.” -Greg Norman
54. “All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.” -Louis Armstrong
55. “They will try to close the door on you, just open it.” -DJ Khaled
56. “Do ants poop?” -Cardi B
57. “I’m watching the History channel in the club and I’m wondering how do these people kno what’s goin on on the sun..ain’t nobody ever been.” -Kevin Durant
58. “Why is Rhode Island nor a road or an island?” -Justin Bieber
59. “Oh God. I just realized I’m stuck with me my whole life.” -Anna Kendrick
60. “You’re acting like drunk slob-kabobs.” -Kourtney Kardashian
61. “Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured.” -Elon Musk
62. “I don’t need to Google myself.” -Nicki Minaj
63. “You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.” -Jim Carrey
64. “I gravitate towards gravitas.” -Morgan Freeman
65. “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like pimps.” -Tiger Woods
66. “Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I’m going through.” -R. Kelly.
67. “The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable.” -Quentin Crisp
68. “I like women, I don’t understand them, but I like them.” -Sean Connery
69. “In every circle of friends there’s always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don’t have one? Then it’s probably you.” -Will Ferrell
70. “I had to overcome a lot of diversity.” -Drew Gooden
71. “If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society.” -Jaden Smith
72. “It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.” -Dan Quayle
73. “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” -Joe Theismann
74. “And now the sequence of events, in no particular order.” -Dan Rather
75. “I’ve got taste. It’s inbred in me.” -David Hasselhoff
76. “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” -Chuck Nevitt
77. “I actually don’t like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don’t. I do not like to think at all.” -Kanye West
78. “I’ve been noticing gravity since I was very young.” -Cameron Diaz
79. “Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.” -Madonna
80. “When I’m no longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.” -Snoop Dogg
81. “When I see a kid throwing a massive tantrum in a grocery store, Part of me is like ‘Man I feel you.'” -Taylor Swift
82. “When you become senile, you won’t know it.” -Bill Cosby
83. “I love kids. I was a kid myself, once.” -Tom Cruise
84. “I’m a light eater. As soon as it’s light, I start to eating.” -Art Donovan
85. “I don’t have any cell service here and it’s making me have a rash.” -Kris Jenner
86. “You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.” -Jack Black
87. “I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” -Terry Bradshaw
88. “I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too.” -Mike Tyson
89. “I’m kind of shocked I’m getting a fashion award when I’m naked most of the time.” -Kim Kardashian
90. “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.” -Shaquille O’Neal
Related: The Funniest Bagel Puns
Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.