101 Funny Love Quotes for Him and Her

Humor is an excellent part of love. Whether it’s an anniversary or you want to make your partner laugh, read the funniest love quotes.

Four hearts.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Laughter makes relationships fun and puts a smile on your face. It’s a significant aspect of relationships.

If you’re ready to laugh, read the following love quotes.

You’ll find quotes about falling in love and being in a relationship or marriage.

Also, you’ll find hilarious and relatable quotes about emotions and feelings.

Related: Hilarious Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue Jokes

Hilarious love quotes

1.  “You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.” -Albert Einstein

2. “Love is being stupid together.” -Paul Valéry

3. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” -Will Ferrell

4. “I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” -Cameron Esposito

Funny love quote by Cameron Esposito.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

5. “Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” -Phyllis Diller

6. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” -Winston Churchill

7. “Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.” -Ben Hecht

8. “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” -Jules Renard

9. “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” -Plato

10. “Love will draw an elephant through a key-hole.” -Samuel Richardson

11. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck

12. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” -Socrates

13. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” -Jimmy Durante

14. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” -Megan Mullally

15. “Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry.” -Erich Segal

16. “There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” -George Bernard Shaw

17. “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” -Jackie Kennedy

18. “Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.” -Anais Nin

19. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” -Joan Crawford

20. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” -Henny Youngman

21. “We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.” -Justin Timberlake

22. “It is impossible to love and to be wise.” -Francis Bacon

23. “My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.” -Rita Rudner

Funny love quote by Rita Rudner.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

24. “Falling in love is terrible. It makes you act foolish, like an idiot.” -Lemmy

25. “I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it.” -Amy Schumer

26. “Falling in love has no convenient time, it can happen anytime and anywhere.” -Konkona Sen Sharma

27. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” -Elizabeth Evans

28. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” -Charles Schulz

29. “Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” -Chris Rock

30. “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” -Lucille Ball

31. “People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” -Andy Warhol

32. “Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” -Mae West

33. “A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” -Cher

34. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom. The end.” -Catherine Zeta-Jones

35. “As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” -Ralphie May

36. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” -Carroll Bryant

37. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” -Rita Rudner

38. “Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” -Franklin P. Jones

39. “I asked my dad once, ‘how did you and mum stay married for 33 years?’ and he said, ‘well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'” -Gwyneth Paltrow

40. “Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” -Glenn Beck

41. “If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.” -J.A. Redmerski

42. “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” -Christopher Marlowe

43. “Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There’s always something.” -Will Cuppy

44. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” -Groucho Marx

45. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” -Chris Rock

46. “If love is the answer, can you please rephrase the question?” -Lily Tomlin

47. “Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” -Lynda Barry

48. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” -Tim Allen

Funny love quote by Tim Allen.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

49. “I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first.” -Jessica Valenti

50. “If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” -Miles Davis

51. “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” -Jerry Seinfeld

52. “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” -Dax Shepard

53. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” -Jean Illsley Clarke

54. “He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.” -Mae West

55. “Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.” -John Lennon

56. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” -Richard Jeni

57. “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” -Henny Youngman

58. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” -Ann Bancroft

59. “In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.” -Ruth Bader Ginsburg

60. “I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.” -Dave Attell

61. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” -George Burns

62. “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” -Rodney Dangerfield

63. “What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” -Cindy Garner

64. “I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too – for being married so many times.” -Elizabeth Taylor

65. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” -Kathy Mohnke

66. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” -Joan Rivers

67. “True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.” -William Goldman

68. “I’m just a diaper-changing facility hooked up to a life-support system, but my wife, she’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She’s a human Denny’s all day long.” -Ryan Reynolds

69. “The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.” -Milton Berle

70. “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” -Bree Luckey

71. “I love you more than I think I should.” -Becca Fitzpatrick

72. “When you love somebody, you go deaf, dumb, and blind.” –The Way We Are, 2008

73. “When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” -Mark Twain

74. “Falling in love is the best way to kill your heart because then it’s not yours anymore. It’s laid in a coffin, waiting to be cremated.” -Ville Valo

75. “Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.” -Tim Allen

76. “I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.” -Mitch Hedberg

77. “Falling in love was the easy part; planning a wedding – yikes!” -Niecy Nash

Funny love quote by Niecy Nash.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

78. “I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.” -Michael J. Fox

79. “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” -Mindy Kaling

80. “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” -Oscar Wilde

81. “Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.” -Yogi Berra

82. “Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.” -Judith Viorst

83. “Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” -W. Somerset Maugham

84. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” -Jarod Kintz

85. “The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

86. “I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since.” -Arturo Toscanini

87. “For the first time in 12 years, John has said yes to my question of ‘does my breath stink’ – this is a special day.” -Chrissy Teigen

88. “How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it.” -Barbara Pym

89. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” –The Notebook, 2004

90. “In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.” -Helen Rowland

91. “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” -Agathe Christie

92. “Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” -Helen Gurley Brown

93. “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you.” –Pride and Prejudice, 2005

94. “Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old.” -John Ciardi

95. “If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.” -Lynda Barry

96. “Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman giving all your love to just one man.” -Tammy Wynette

97. “My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside – Made in Taiwan.” -Leopold Fechtner

98. “She makes the bass drop… in my heart.” –The Good Place, 2016

99. “I’m getting married today. My only fear is that instead of ‘I do’ I’ll say ‘I do do.'” -Tig Notaro

Funny love quote by Tig Notaro.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

100. “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” -Virginia Satir

101. “Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” -Ambrose Bierce

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Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.