50+ Funny Wine Quotes to Laugh Your Glass Off

Good wine is subjective. So, regardless of the type of wine you enjoy, get a laugh with the funniest wine quotes. Be sure to share them with others.

Wine bottle and glass.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Most wine comes from fermented grapes, but you can use any fruit.

There are several types, such as red, white, rosé, sparkling, and fortified wines.

Related: What did the grape say when it was crushed?

Wine dates back over 6,000 years as a significant part of human culture.

Today, you can enjoy wine from more than 10,000 grape varieties.

Next time you have a glass with dinner or friends, laugh with the following funny wine quotes.

Related: Funny 21st Birthday Quotes

Hilarious and witty wine quotes

1. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” -W. C. Fields

2. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” -Benjamin Franklin

3. “What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.” -Diogenes

4. “Life is too short, and I’m Italian. I’d much rather eat pasta and drink wine than be a size 0.” -Sophia Bush

5. “In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.” -Napoleon Bonaparte

6. “I’m only drinking white wine because I’m on a diet and I don’t eat.” -Oliver Reed

Funny wine quote by Oliver Reed.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

7. “In Italy, they add work and life on to food and wine.” -Robin Leach

8. “Wine flies when you’re having fun.” -Unknown

9. “Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide itself.” -Basil Bunting

10. “One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.” -Samuel Johnson

11. “Beer is made by men, wine by God.” -Martin Luther

12. “Home is where the wine is.” -Unknown

13. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” -Joan Collins

14. “Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.” -Aristophanes

15. “It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man’s desire. Indeed it will in a dull man.” -John Osborne

16. “A gourmet meal without a glass of wine just seems tragic to me somehow.” -Kathy Mattea

17. “I make pour decisions.” -Unknown

18. “Novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine.” -Unknown

19. “A day without wine probably won’t kill me. But why risk it?” -Unknown

20. “Roses are red. Wine is also red. Poems are hard. Wine.” -Unknown

21. “Drink wine. Feel fine.” -Unknown

22. “A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I have never met a miserly wine lover.” -Clifton Fadiman

23. “Am I an elitist because I like wine?” -Faith Salie

24. “Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.” -Gina Barreca

25. “I tried cooking with wine. After three glasses, I forgot I was in the kitchen.” -Unknown

Funny wine quote about cooking with it.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

26. “I just rescued wine. It was trapped in a bottle.” -Unknown

27. “I’m a winemaker and a wine collector, so I usually just drink wine.” -Isiah Whitlock, Jr.

28. “I could probably die happy with a cheeseboard and a glass of French red wine – that’s my idea of a perfect dinner.” -Deirdre O’Kane

29. “I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” -Kaley Cuoco

30. “Life is too short to not have oysters and champagne sometimes.” -Christie Brinkley

31. “Wine is the answer. What was the question?” -Unknown

32. “Anyone who tries to make you believe that he knows all about wines is obviously a fake.” -Leon Adams

33. “Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.” -Tom Waits

34. “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” -Louis Pasteur

35. “The champagne was flowing like the Potomac in flood.” -Ben Bradlee

36. “Wine is bottled poetry.” -Robert Louis Stevenson

37. “Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.” -Alexander Fleming

38. “Wine a little, and you’ll feel better.” -Unknown

39. “I’m going to have some fabulous nights out with champagne.” -Christian Siriano

40. “Age and glasses of wine should never be counted.” -Unknown

41. “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” -Henny Youngman

42. “Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it.” -Frank Muir

43. “As long as we have wine, family holidays will be fine.” -Unknown

44. “For when the wine is in, the wit is out.” -Thomas Becon

45. “We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.” -Eduardo Galeano

46. “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine.” -Ernest Hemingway

Funny wine quote by Ernest Hemingway.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

47. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” -Rumi

48. “Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

49. “Compromises are for relationships, not wine.” -Sir Robert Scott Caywood

50. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.” -Benjamin Franklin

51. “An empty bottle of wine is better than a filled one. It shows achievement.” -Unknown

52. “Champagne is appropriate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.” -Madeline Puckette

53. “People should have fun with wine. A bottle should sit on your dinner table like all of the other condiments.” -Andre Hueston Mack

Related: Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings to Make You Laugh

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.