50+ Funny Wine Quotes to Laugh Your Glass Off

Good wine is subjective. So, regardless of the type of wine you enjoy, get a laugh with the funniest wine quotes. Be sure to share them with others.

Most wine comes from fermented grapes, but you can use any fruit.

There are several types, such as red, white, rosé, sparkling, and fortified wines.

Related: What did the grape say when it was crushed?

Wine dates back over 6,000 years as a significant part of human culture.

Today, you can enjoy wine from more than 10,000 grape varieties.

Next time you have a glass with dinner or friends, laugh with the following funny wine quotes.

Related: Funny 21st Birthday Quotes

Hilarious and witty wine quotes

1. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” -W. C. Fields

2. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” -Benjamin Franklin

3. “What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.” -Diogenes

4. “Life is too short, and I’m Italian. I’d much rather eat pasta and drink wine than be a size 0.” -Sophia Bush

5. “In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.” -Napoleon Bonaparte

6. “I’m only drinking white wine because I’m on a diet and I don’t eat.” -Oliver Reed

7. “In Italy, they add work and life on to food and wine.” -Robin Leach

8. “Wine flies when you’re having fun.” -Unknown

9. “Always carry a corkscrew and the wine shall provide itself.” -Basil Bunting

10. “One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.” -Samuel Johnson

11. “Beer is made by men, wine by God.” -Martin Luther

12. “Home is where the wine is.” -Unknown

13. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” -Joan Collins

14. “Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.” -Aristophanes

15. “It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man’s desire. Indeed it will in a dull man.” -John Osborne

16. “A gourmet meal without a glass of wine just seems tragic to me somehow.” -Kathy Mattea

17. “I make pour decisions.” -Unknown

18. “Novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine.” -Unknown

19. “A day without wine probably won’t kill me. But why risk it?” -Unknown

20. “Roses are red. Wine is also red. Poems are hard. Wine.” -Unknown

21. “Drink wine. Feel fine.” -Unknown

22. “A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I have never met a miserly wine lover.” -Clifton Fadiman

23. “Am I an elitist because I like wine?” -Faith Salie

24. “Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.” -Gina Barreca

25. “I tried cooking with wine. After three glasses, I forgot I was in the kitchen.” -Unknown

26. “I just rescued wine. It was trapped in a bottle.” -Unknown

27. “I’m a winemaker and a wine collector, so I usually just drink wine.” -Isiah Whitlock, Jr.

28. “I could probably die happy with a cheeseboard and a glass of French red wine – that’s my idea of a perfect dinner.” -Deirdre O’Kane

29. “I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” -Kaley Cuoco

30. “Life is too short to not have oysters and champagne sometimes.” -Christie Brinkley

31. “Wine is the answer. What was the question?” -Unknown

32. “Anyone who tries to make you believe that he knows all about wines is obviously a fake.” -Leon Adams

33. “Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.” -Tom Waits

34. “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” -Louis Pasteur

35. “The champagne was flowing like the Potomac in flood.” -Ben Bradlee

36. “Wine is bottled poetry.” -Robert Louis Stevenson

37. “Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.” -Alexander Fleming

38. “Wine a little, and you’ll feel better.” -Unknown

39. “I’m going to have some fabulous nights out with champagne.” -Christian Siriano

40. “Age and glasses of wine should never be counted.” -Unknown

41. “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” -Henny Youngman

42. “Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it.” -Frank Muir

43. “As long as we have wine, family holidays will be fine.” -Unknown

44. “For when the wine is in, the wit is out.” -Thomas Becon

45. “We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine.” -Eduardo Galeano

46. “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine.” -Ernest Hemingway

47. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” -Rumi

48. “Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

49. “Compromises are for relationships, not wine.” -Sir Robert Scott Caywood

50. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.” -Benjamin Franklin

51. “An empty bottle of wine is better than a filled one. It shows achievement.” -Unknown

52. “Champagne is appropriate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.” -Madeline Puckette

53. “People should have fun with wine. A bottle should sit on your dinner table like all of the other condiments.” -Andre Hueston Mack

Related: Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings to Make You Laugh

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.