100+ Funny Quotes for Kids

Humor is excellent for children because it relaxes them and encourages creativity. Read funny quotes for kids that are worth sharing to get laughs.

Group of kids laughing.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Humor plays a crucial role in children’s development.

It fosters creativity and imagination. It also helps them understand language and social norms.

A good sense of humor is essential.

The following are funny quotes for kids. They’re sure to laugh after hearing the quotes.

Funny quotes for kids

1. “I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.” -Peter De Vries

2. “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” -Casey Stengel

Teacher and line of kids.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

3. “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” -Phyllis Diller

4. “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.” -Jules Renard

5. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” -Douglas Adams

6. “The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!” -Marvin Phillips

7. “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” -Richard Dawkins

8. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” -Thomas Szasz

9. “The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.” -Thomas A. Edison

10. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” -Isaac Asimov

11. “Take your risks now. As you grow older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn’t even on.” -Amy Poehler

12. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” -Luis Bunuel

13. “Be awesome! Be a book nut!” -Dr. Seuss

14. “Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.” -Tommy Cooper

15. “Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.” -Unknown

16. “To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.” -Jean-Luc Godard

17. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” -Charles M. Schulz

18. “If at first, you don’t succeed, you’re normal.” -Kid President

19. “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” -Erma Bombeck

20. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” -Margaret Mead

21. “Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.” -Albert Einstein

22. “When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.” -Mark Twain

23. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” -Will Rogers

24. “In school they told me practice makes perfect. And then they told me nobody’s perfect, so then I stopped practicing.” -Steven Wright

25. “If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” -Dolly Parton

26. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” -Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

27. “Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.” -Paula Poundstone

28. “Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.” -Jim Davis

29. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” -George Carlin

30. “Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.” -Michael Caine

31. “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt

32. “Be happy, it drives people crazy.” -Paulo Coelho

33. “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” -Salvador Dali

34. “Friend something better than chocolate ice cream… Maybe friend somebody you give up the last cookie for.” -Cookie Monster

35. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” -Oprah Winfrey

36. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.” -Bob Hope

37. “Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.” -Unknown

38. “Adults are just outdated children.” -Dr. Seuss

39. “Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.” -Robert Anthony

40. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” -Erma Bombeck

41. “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” -Jack London

42. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” -Will Rogers

43. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.” -Oliver Goldsmith

44. “When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.” -Chris Rock

45. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” -Bryan White

46. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” -Oscar Wilde

47. “The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.” -Zach Galifianakis

48. “All generalizations are false, including this one.” -Mark Twain

49. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” -Cathy Guisewite

50. “No one is perfect – that’s why pencils have erasers.” -Wolfgang Riebe

51. “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.” -Linda Grayson

52. “First day of school, make sure that you know your locker combination.” -Jordan Francis

53. “All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.” -Louis Armstrong

54. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” -Albert Einstein

55. “As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.” -Amy Chua

Child sleeping.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

56. “A conclusion is the place you get to when you’re tired of thinking.” -Jill Shalvis

57. “Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” -Jeff Valdez

58. “There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.” -Lemony Snicket

59. “He who laughs last… just didn’t get the joke.” -Carroll Bryant

60. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” -Dr. Seuss

61. “Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.” -Rick Riordan

62. “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.” -Unknown

63. “Birthdays are nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake.” -Jo Brand

64. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” -Winston Churchill

65. “Why does everything so bad for you always taste so dreamy?” -Colleen Houck

66. “When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn’t matter who’s president.” -Louis C. K.

67. “Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” -Chili Davis

68. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” -Ellen DeGeneres

69. “You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.” -Bill Watterson

70. “Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.” -Tommy Cooper

71. “Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.” -Robert Byrne

72. “Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” -Steven Wright

73. “Today is a good day to try.” -Quasimodo

74. “If you think your teachers are tough, wait ’til you get a boss.” -Bill Gates

75. “My friends and I are crazy. That’s the only thing that keeps us sane.” -Matt Schucker

76. “She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like to have people be jealous of us.” -Cher

77. “To answer your question, you want me because I’m made of awesome.” -Gena Showalter

78. “There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates’ loot on Treasure Island.” -Walt Disney

Stack of books.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

79. “There is no secret ingredient. It’s just you.” -Po

80. “I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights.” -Jay London

81. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” -Vince Lombardi

82. “Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.” -Horace

83. “Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” -Kermit the Frog

84. “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.” -Doug Larson

85. “Sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something.” -Jake the Dog

86. “Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time, it’s in your hand.” -Unknown

87. “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.” -Bernard Meltzer

88. “Some people are worth melting for.” -Olaf

89. “Work hard, nap hard.” -Demi Lovato

90. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” -Steven Wright

91. “I said school starts tomorrow. I didn’t say I was going to be there.” -Kim Harrison

92. “The road to success is always under construction.” -Lily Tomlin

93. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” -Betty White

94. “TV is chewing gum for the eyes.” -Frank Lloyd Wright

95. “I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.” -Herb Caen

96. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx

97. “I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.” -Tommy Cooper

98. “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” -Erma Bombeck

99. “You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.” -Richard Branson

100. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” -Robin Williams

101. “Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” -George Carlin

102. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” -Fred Allen

Person walking with headphones.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

103. “If it’s going to be two against one, make sure you aren’t the one.” -Jill Shalvis

Related: Hilarious Unicorn Jokes

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.