Dogs are wonderful. They’re excellent companions, entertaining, and loving. Read funny dog quotes that are so relatable and hilarious.
Dogs are the most popular pet in the world.
They’re loyal and bright companions that enhance your life. They also provide comfort and support.
If you’re ready to laugh, read the following funny dog quotes.
Then, share the quotes with fellow dog lovers to spread joy.
The ultimate list of funny dog quotes
1. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” -Andy Rooney
2. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” -Charles de Gaulle
3. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” -Franklin P. Jones
4. “A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.” -Ogden Nash
5. “Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.” -Kinky Friedman
6. “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” -Will Rogers
7. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx
8. “You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” -Harry S. Truman
9. “The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.” -Warren Bennis
10. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” -Rodney Dangerfield
11. “If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.” -Woodrow Wilson
12. “Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.” -W. R. Pursche
13. “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” -Roger Caras
14. “People teach their dogs to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.” -Mitch Hedberg
15. “When you adopt a dog, you have a lot of very good days and one very bad day.” -W. Bruce Cameron
16. “I can’t imagine God not allowing my dog into heaven.” -Rick Warren
17. “We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.” -Rita Rudner
18. “Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” -Unknown
19. “I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 Miles every day.” -Unknown
20. “Be the person your dog thinks you are.” -C. J. Frick
21. “There’s a saying. If you want someone to love you forever, buy a dog, feed it and keep it around.” -Dick Dale
22. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!” -George Carlin
23. “Dogs are our link to paradise.” -Milan Kundera
24. “The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.” -Carrie Underwood
25. “Dog is God spelled backward.” -Duane Chapman
26. “If you don’t own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.” -Roger Caras
27. “I really love the sound of my dog snoring.” -Chris Evans
28. “Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weak-end.” -June Carter Cash
29. “Why does watching a dog be a dog fill one with happiness?” -Jonathan Safran Foer
30. “Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” -Anne Tyler
31. “My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” -Elayne Boosler
32. “No matter how you’re feeling, a little dog gonna love you.” -Waka Flocka Flame
33. “Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.” -Moby
34. “I don’t care who dies in the movie as long as the dog lives.” -Unknown
35. “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.” -Fran Lebowitz
36. “I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!'” -Jonah Goldberg
37. “A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” -Robert Benchley
38. “I’m a lot less cranky when it’s just me and my dog.” -Bob Peterson
39. “You know, a dog can snap you out of any kind of bad mood that you’re in faster than you can think of.” -Jill Abramson
40. “Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.” -Mordecai Wyatt Johnson
41. “A dog is the greatest gift a parent can give a child. OK, a good education, then a dog.” -John Grogan
42. “If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they’re gonna think the dogs are the leaders. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume was in charge?” -Jerry Seinfeld
43. “A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” -Helen Thomson
44. “What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.” -Rodney Dangerfield
45. “Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.” -Unknown
46. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.” -John Steinbeck
47. “Happiness is a warm puppy.” -Charles M. Schulz
48. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” -Sue Murphy
49. “Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.” -John Peer
50. “Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” -Corey Ford
51. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” -Phil Pastoret
52. “The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” -Ambrose Bierce
53. “Even the tiniest Poodle or Chihuahua is still a wolf at heart.” -Dorothy Hinshaw
54. “Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love unless he’s owned a dog.” -Gene Hill
55. “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” -Bernard Williams
56. “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.” -Charles Yu
57. “My dog is half pitbull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip.” -Craig Shoemaker
58. “It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.” -John Grogan
59. “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.” -Jean Ferris
60. “Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” -Steve Bluestone
61. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” -Franklin P. Jones
62. “If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.” -Unknown
63. “When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” -Kristan Higgins
64. “Life isn’t perfect, but my dog is.” -Unknown
65. “No home decor is complete without dog hair.” -Unknown
66. “When I die, my dog gets everything.” -Unknown
67. “I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” -Bonnie Schacter
68. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!'” -Dave Barry
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Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.