Money is a significant part of life. It supplies your needs and provides value and security. Read funny money quotes for a good laugh.
Money may not be everything, but it plays a significant role.
Aside from basic needs, money helps you achieve goals and experience new things. It also provides security and gives you options.
In America, paper currency dates back to 1690. Go back thousands of years, and you’ll discover various forms of money.
If you’re ready to laugh, read the following funny money quotes.
Whether saving, investing, or learning about economics, you’ll love them.
The ultimate list of funny money quotes
1. “When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.” -Oscar Wilde
2. “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” -Kin Hubbard
3. “That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once: It said, ‘Goodbye’.” -Richard Armour
4. “Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent.” -Marlon Brando
5. “Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.” -Josh Billings
6. “Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.” -Agatha Christie
7. “So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?” -Ayn Rand
8. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” -Spike Milligan
9. “Money does not make you happy but it quiets the nerves.” -Sean O’Casey
10. “Pennies do not come from heaven. They have to be earned here on earth.” -Margaret Thatcher
11. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” -Henny Youngman
12. “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” -Christopher Marlowe
13. “There’s just one thing I can’t figure out. My income tax!” -Nat King Cole
14. “When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.” -Voltaire
15. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.” -Will Rogers
16. “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” -George Best
17. “Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale.” -Zig Ziglar
18. “I like my money right where I can see it… hanging in my closet.” -Sarah Jessica Parker
19. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable.” -Clare Boothe Luce
20. “The creditor hath a better memory than the debtor.” -James Howell
21. “Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.” -Francis Bacon
22. “Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.” -Unknown
23. “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.” -Milton Berle
24. “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” -John Barrymore
25. “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” -Joan Rivers
26. “Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” -Winston Churchill
27. “I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.” -Fran Lebowitz
28. “Time will take your money, but money won’t buy time.” -James Taylor
29. “Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.” -Frank Dane
30. “Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.” -Arnold Schwarzenegger
31. “Rich people have small TVs and big libraries, and poor people have small libraries and big TVs.” -Zig Ziglar
32. “I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount, and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” -Brooke Shields
33. “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” -Bill Murray
34. “Why does a small tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?” -Peg Bracken
35. “If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.” -James Goldsmith
36. “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” -Sam Ewing
37. “Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five.” -W. Somerset Maugham
38. “Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.” -Will Rogers
39. “If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” -George Gobel
40. “If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” -Errol Flynn
41. “There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” -Jack Yelton
42. “I’m one step away from being rich. All I need now is money.” -Unknown
43. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” -Earl Wilson
44. “Money is the best deodorant.” -Elizabeth Taylor
45. “Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.” -Ambrose Bierce
46. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” -Woody Allen
47. “Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” -Bill Vaughan
48. “It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” -Billy Crystal
49. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” -Jackie Mason
50. “I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.” -Unknown
51. “If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.” -Dorothy Parker
52. “I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” -Steve Martin
53. “Money is like an arm or a leg. Use it or lose it.” -Henry Ford
54. “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” -Yogi Berra
55. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” -Bob Hope
56. “October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” -Mark Twain
57. “If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.” -J. Paul Getty
58. “I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.” -Jules Renard
59. “This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.” -Earl Wilson
60. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” -Franklin Jones
61. “Avoiding the dumb things is the most important. Learn more, know limitations, avoid the dumb things.” -Warren Buffett
62. “Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” -Groucho Marx
63. “Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.” -Herman Wouk
64. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” -Douglas Adams
65. “If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.” -Benjamin Franklin
66. “It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” -Unknown
67. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” -Oscar Wilde
68. “Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice.” -Tim Ferriss
69. “It’s easy to meet expenses – everywhere we go, there they are.” -Unknown
70. “Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” -Martin Sheen
71. “It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It’s only necessary to be rich.” -Alan Alda
72. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” -Oscar Wilde
73. “I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.” -Unknown
74. “My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.” -Unknown
75. “Investing without research is like playing stud poker and never looking at the cards.” -Peter Lynch
76. “If you buy things you do not need, soon you will have to sell things you need.” -Warren Buffett
77. “Money without brains is always dangerous.” -Napoleon Hill
Related: The Funniest Quotes to Make You Laugh
Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.