60+ Funny Coffee Quotes to Brew a Laugh

Coffee is a drink from roasted coffee beans. If you can’t go a day without it, you love it. You’ll love reading funny coffee quotes as much.

Cup of coffee.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

Coffee is the second most popular drink after water. If you’re a coffee lover, you likely start each day with it.

Coffee’s origins date back over 1,200 years in northeast Africa. Today, it’s essential in life.

There are many ways to prepare coffee. Examples include an espresso, latte, mocha, americano, and cappuccino.

Regardless of your favorite type, you’ll love reading funny coffee quotes.

Also, share the quotes with your fellow coffee lovers for a laugh.

Related: What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Funny coffee quotes

1. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” -Lewis Black

2. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” -Jerry Seinfeld

3. “If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” -David Letterman

Cup of coffee.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

4. “When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.” -Emo Philips

5. “I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.” -Sandra Bullock

6. “I drink hot water and lemon – after two cups of the coffee in the morning.” -Susan Lucci

7. “I like cappuccino, actually. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.” -David Lynch

8. “My workday begins around 11 A.M., with a cup of black coffee in each hand. If I had more hands, there would be more coffee.” -Aaron Levie

9. “Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.” -AJ Lee

10. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” -Hugh Jackman

11. “Life’s too short for bad coffee.” -Gord Downie

12. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” -Alphonse Allais

13. “I am a coffee fanatic. Once you go to proper coffee, you can’t go back. You cannot go back.” -Hugh Laurie

14. “Nothing can replace sleep, but coffee can do it best. I love coffee.” -Kelley O’Hara

Coffee with latte art.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

15. “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!” -Howard Schultz

16. “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.” -Nancy Kress

17. “Coffee is my water now.” -Becky G

18. “Coffee first. Schemes later.” -Leanna Renee Hieber

19. “I don’t drink coffee to wake up. I wake up to drink coffee.” -Unknown

20. “Coffee spelled backward is “eeffoc.” I don’t give “eeffoc” before I have my coffee.” -Unknown

21. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.” -Unknown

22. “Coffee is a language in itself.” -Jackie Chan

23. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” -Earl Wilson

24. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” -Jean Kerr

25. “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.” -Unknown

26. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.” -Clark Gable

27. “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.” -Unknown

Cup of coffee.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

28. “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not coffee.” -Unknown

29. “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.” -Unknown

30. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” -Thomas Jefferson

31. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” -Louisa May Alcott

32. “Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.” -Unknown

33. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” -Henry Rollins

34. “Do you want to hear a joke? Decaf.” -Unknown

35. “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.” -Carly Simon

36. “Coffee makes everything better.” -Unknown

37. “With enough coffee, nothing is impossible.” -Unknown

38. “I looked up my symptoms. It turns out I just need more coffee.” -Unknown

39. “Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee.” -Ursula Vernon

40. “First I drink the coffee. Then, I do the things.” -Unknown

41. “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.” -Burt Lancaster

42. “Coffee! The most important meal of the day.” -Unknown

43. “Sorry for what I said before coffee.” -Unknown

44. “My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.” -Unknown

45. “This will all make sense after coffee.” -Unknown

46. “Coffee is always a good idea.” -Unknown

47. “Water is the most essential element in life because without it, you can’t make coffee.” -Unknown

48. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.” -Unknown

49. “I think. Therefore, I’ve had coffee.” -Unknown

50. “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.” -Abigail Reynolds

51. “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” -Ronald Reagan

52. “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.” -Unknown

53. “How far behind would technology be, if no one ever discovered coffee?” -Unknown

54. “May your coffee kick in before reality does.” -Unknown

55. “My birthstone is a coffee bean.” -Unknown

56. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” -Cassandra Clare

57. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” -Sir James MacKintosh

58. “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.” -Unknown

59. “Coffee is the best medicine.” -Unknown

60. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” -Terry Pratchett

61. “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” -Donna Favors

62. “It’s when you look over the top of your coffee cup that you can smile at life.” -Anthony T. Hincks

Top-down view of a coffee mug.
Photo by David Em/Humor Living.

63. “I just realized: I’m not a morning person. I’m a coffee person.” -Unknown

64. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” -Justina Chen Headley

65. “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” -Marcia Carrington

Related: The Funniest Bean Puns

Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.

David Em.

David Em

David Em is the founder of Humor Living. He launched Humor Living to create a destination for you to visit anytime you need a laugh. Whether you’re looking for jokes, puns, memes, or funny stories, Humor Living is the place to be.