California is the third largest state in the United States. It has many clichés and funny aspects. Read the best California jokes for a good laugh.
Think of California and palm trees or Hollywood may come to mind.
It’s a beautiful state with mountains, forests, deserts, and beaches.
California is the third-largest state and the most populous in the United States.
The state also has a lot of humor around the people and culture.
The following are the best and funniest California jokes.
Hilarious California jokes
1. What do people in Southern California love to do during the winter?
Watch the rest of the country on TV.
2. What do you call a waffle on a beach in Southern California?
A sandy Eggo.
3. How do you know if you have a true friend in Los Angeles?
They’re a true friend if they drive you to the airport.
4. What happens when the smog lifts in Southern California?
UCLA.
5. What’s the only thing that grows in Oakland?
The crime rate.
6. How do you offend a Californian?
Tell them you don’t like In-N-Out Burger.
7. Where in California do the residents have fresh breath?
Sacra-Mentos.
8. Did you hear about the two California Valley girls who died in a drive-in movie?
They went to see “Closed for Winter.”
9. How many Californians does it take to fix a lightbulb?
Ten. One to fix it and nine to follow the trend.
10. Why did the real estate agent move Why do real estate agents move to California?
They hear the market’s on fire.
11. What’s high in California aside from the people?
Gas prices.
12. Did you hear the joke about Mount Whitney?
You won’t get over it.
13. How do you prank a new Californian?
Tell them to take the freeway because it’ll be faster.
14. Why can’t Southern Californians give a straight answer?
They burrito-round the bush.
15. How do Californians say “yes”?
No, yeah.
16. How do Californians say “no”?
Yeah, no.
17. How do Californians say “definitely”?
Yeah, no, for sure.
18. How do you know someone’s a Californian from giving directions?
A Californian says “the” before the highway number.
19. If people in Britain drive on the left, where do Californians drive?
They drive on what’s left.
20. Where do you find missing angels?
Lost Angeles.
21. What does USC stand for?
University of Second Choice.
22. What’s the difference between California and the Titanic?
The Titanic had lights when it sank.
23. What did San Andreas say when the earthquake hit California?
My fault.
24. Why do San Diego State students have beautiful noses?
They’re hand-picked.
25. What’s the name of the new humor app for corn farmers?
Silly-corn Valley.
26. California drivers are bad, but why can’t they host a bad drivers competition?
They’ll get into a massive accident on the way to the competition.
27. How does the Pacific Ocean greet California?
It waves.
28. How do you scare a Californian?
Speak with a Southern accent.
29. What happens to the freeways in California when it rains?
A bunch of accidents.
30. Where do California schools get sports uniforms?
New Jersey.
31. A recent study found that California has the highest rate of depression and infidelity.
It’s a sad state of affairs.
32. Did you hear about the own conspiracy network in California?
They call themselves ca-hoots.
33. What’s the most popular type of tree in California?
Ash.
34. Welcome to Hotel California.
You can check out anytime, but you can never leave.
35. Why does California have so many lawyers, and New York has so much garbage?
New York got to pick first.
36. What’s the best Christmas gift for people in SoCal?
Sunscreen.
37. What do UCLA graduates use for birth control?
Their personalities.
38. Why do all of the trees in Arizona lean west?
California sucks.
39. What will a USC graduate call a UCLA graduate in five years?
Boss.
40. What’s the only thing that grows in Compton?
The swelling on your head after getting robbed.
41. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after resigning as governor?
An ex-Terminator
42. What do girls in SoCal wear in the winter?
Long-sleeve crop tops.
43. Which city in California makes parking in Los Angeles look like no big deal?
San Francisco.
44. California wants to eliminate a once-popular item.
It was the last straw.
45. If California and Hell are constantly on fire and places of sin, what’s the difference?
The housing costs.
46. How can you tell if a Californian is a gold digger?
They moved to California in 1849.
Related: Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh
Featured image by David Em/Humor Living.